Not As Bad As I Thought...

I'm in a medical weight loss program. Which sounds like a lot more than it really is. My husband started seeing an endocrinologist at the Bariatric Center at our local hospital. He wanted to find out options that weren't surgical, and try those. He was quite heavy. And his mother died from complications due to bariatric bypass surgery. So we want to exhaust all non-surgical methods first, as one could guess.

Anyway, to show solidarity, I started going too. They have us trying an insulin-controlling medication, and we're having pretty good results. We're both happy with it.

The one thing about these centers, though, is that it's a whole being approach. In other words, you don't only go see the endocrinologist. You also have to see a nutritionist, an exercise expert, and a few others I have yet to need to see. I saw the nutritionist at my first visit, and duh - it was all information I knew. I KNOW it. I just don't always DO it. Like, for example, at 11pm in the kitchen when I have a mad case of munchies and only peanuts or something equally salty and fatty will do. THAT is the moment I need the nutritionist to step in. But obviously, they do not pay house calls.

So today was my appointment with the exercise expert. It was a fairly comical meeting, to say the least. I actually looked forward to her reaction to me. You see, I'm tall - 6 feet, to be exact. I'm also built in the "sturdy" or "bigger" method of people....you know, big bones, decent musculature even when I don't lift weights - that sort of thing....

I weigh - uh, let's just say, a lot. But I'm also fairly fit. I told her first about my knees and neck, though. And then she asked me what I do each week for fitness. This is where it got comical. Because, honestly, I do a lot for someone who is my weight. I told her about the 2 hours of spin I normally do a week, and the 3 hours of karate I do at MINIMUM. Add to that the half hour of rehab weight lifting each Wednesday with my doc, and she kinda just stared at me. The look on her face was priceless - a somewhat amazed, bemused look, that said, "Why the heck are you overweight then??"

Ahhh, priceless....

So we discussed some things I can do to modify weight lifting in order to increase my muscle mass - it's the one place I've been floundering because of my knees and neck.

AND then .....

cue dramatic music....

It was time to test my body fat percentage. OY. VEY.

I was terrified, I will not lie. First off, the electronic body fat testers often run wacky on someone with higher muscle mass. The scales that test body fat will tell me I'm something like 65% body fat (uh, sure, yeah - I'll go lose 130 pounds, k? Not....accurate, eh?? I mean, I have bones, no? And organs?? Those have to weigh more than 100 pounds...) Secondly, I just did NOT feel like being depressed today...

This tester was awesome. It measures at the bicep. I carry my fat in my midsection, and have skinny arms and legs (for a chubby gal). WOOHOO! It also asks 7 questions which it takes into account for results. Things like, what frame are you? How often do you work out? For how long? Double woohoo!

I am in love with this machine....it told me I'm ok! woot! I am 28.7% body fat. Which is UNDER the obese category - happy day! I was expecting like 40% with it being the electronic ones...but WOW, it was fairly accurate! She said I should be about 22%, so I've got 6% to work on. This is far less daunting than the ones that told me I had to lose about 45%....

So I guess it was a good visit. I think she was impressed with my fitness knowledge (former instructor, I should hope I know how to do stuff! LOL! ) And my attitude....so I see her in October again - she said she'd test my body fat again....can't wait, actually!!!

Little Pitchers Have Big Ears - AND Mouths!

As any parent will tell you, kids will listen and retain what they hear around them, even if they are seemingly completely in another world. They will parrot what they hear back at the most inopportune moments, as well. And in the case of our 7 year old, they will stick to their story, no matter how wrong they have it. And no matter how many adults refute them. Or maybe it's just him.

He decided to tell his grandmother, who is a McCain supporter, that McCain is a bad man because he will force everyone in the US to go to church.

I heard him start to say this, and I thought, OH MY GAWD. No, please no - tell me he isn't saying THAT.

Yes, he was saying that.

And then he went and blamed it on his FATHER. Little booger even had a scape goat! Thankfully, my mother #1, knows her son-in-law and the level of his intelligence, and #2, knows how 7 year old boys are, and THEIR level of intelligence.

So she said, there is no way your father said that.

And here's where it got interesting!

So Joe decides to argue the point with her, and tries to back up his argument with "information" as well. But he mixed up names of people, and even blamed some sort of church-going foul-play on Hillary Clinton, as well. And despite both my mother's and my telling him he had heard wrong, and that he was mixing things up, as well as saying something patently false and unfair and somewhat insulting - he argued on. My mother and I looked at each other, and just amazingly, we had to be thinking the same thing. That he takes after every SINGLE male in our family. OY.

I finally got him to listen to us, and to hear us. We also told him that being wrong is not such a horrid thing, and that he isn't stupid if he's wrong. We also told him that, in fact, he looks stupid only when he clings to an idea and refuses to back down.

I'm hoping he learned at least to just keep his mouth shut a bit more and listen to adults. We're working on that one, because, apparently, we adults are pretty uneducated, dull, and slow in his eyes.

And hopefully, he figured out too that saying political things just gets him in trouble.

I would so love to hear the actual stuff we were saying that he heard and scrambled in that granite block of his....

Summer is for Losers

Losing pounds, that is...

Summer is a wonderful time for doing things outdoors, and for finding new ways to get a little exercise in. As we begin the summer vacation, and hotter weather, I keep trying to find creative ways to get just a little extra in each day. I call them random acts of fitness. It is an interesting challenge to find a way to get in a few squats on the playground without looking like I have lost my mind, though. I am sure that I am an amusing sight to the other moms and dads. Or else they think I am the town nutcase. All of that aside, I still try to do it. The hotter weather reminds me of how much I hate shorts that don’t fit quite right, and how much my thighs chafe when I am at this weight.

It is amazing the tiny differences and changes that you barely notice when you are either gaining or losing weight. I notice that as I lose, I can walk in shorts easier. I do not have to keep pulling the legs of the shorts out of a bunch between my legs. I do not walk bowlegged from time to time to get the fabric to fall straight. If anyone else has ever had to do this, you will understand completely what I mean when I say I am ecstatic to realize halfway through doing these things that it is not necessary to perform this ritual. Every time I tic off another size or pound gone, I try to remind myself how far I have come. It is much easier to despair of how far I have left to go, since that is such a distant future. Where I was is not nearly as enjoyable as where I am now, and I know where I am going will be a grand, wonderful place, filled once again with buying off the clearance rack, and not having to ask for a bigger size. I am starting to drool just thinking about that place.

So I keep trying to find ways to trick myself into working out without realizing it. It is a big contest to see if I can work out for a half hour without noticing the time. So far, I have found that I can do an hour if I am in a challenging class or have good tunes. And all those little random acts of fitness I do in a day start to add up. Which is good, considering how fast 2 hours of the day care at the gym fly by! I don't get in a lot of weight training yet. But then, the aerobic is more important right now.

Add in the gardening I'm doing to "save money" and heck, I should shock the other moms at school next fall!

Indiana Jones and the Insanity of Momma

Oh. My. GAWD.



This is basically all we hear at our house right now. This song is burned into the walls, we hear it so much. Why is it that a four year old can get a hold of an idea or character, and wear it into the ground with overuse?

With our guy, first it was 2+ years straight of Jack Sparrow - wigs, swords, and Swashbuckling Sea Songs all day and night.

And now it's Indiana Jones, all day, every day. I don't know why, but I put the music from the movies onto my iPod. WHAT was I thinking?? Oyyyyy....

T minus 4 days and COUNTING!

EEEEK! It snuck up on me! It came from way out of left field! It's the last week of school.

Oh, holy hell - what in the world am I supposed to do with two of them all day, every day? And gas prices aren't exactly encouraging me to fork over the money to enroll them in "summer camp" that I'll have to drive to and from. My only respite appears to be my gym membership. Apparently, I'm going to be in good shape on the other side of summer vacation.

Either that, or the snack counter girl and the hot tub will be well acquainted with me!! Don't get me wrong - as I've said before, I love to Spin. But there are days I do prefer to sit. And do nothing, obviously.

I would say, however, that my sanity will take less of a hit if I take the kids to the gym activity center (fancy word for baby kennel) every day or so.

It's just that I've gotten used to my 7 year old being away all day long. And the 4 year old and I have gotten into a rhythm with our days. So throwing in an overbearing older brother COMPLETELY obsessed with Pokemon (and can we just beat up the person who thought THIS up??) into the mix will be, to say the least, "difficult."

My boys get along most of the time. But lately, they're just on each other's nerves. A LOT. My mother bought me a subscription to Family Fun magazine. I like it, because it's not chock full of preachy, never-real-world-possible advice. But let's be realistic - how long will newspaper hat folding occupy them? And baking is a dangerous undertaking with my two.

I never quite pictured that motherhood would involve so much screaming. I knew they would yell, I would yell, their father would yell. I'm damned if I knew they would scream, and whine, and shout so often, so loud, and so annoyingly! I adore my kids, and I adore that I can stay home. But just once, I'd love to know how to keep them happily playing, so that none of us is required to raise our voice.

How does that Duggar woman do it? I still haven't figured it out. I'd be stark raving mad - hell, I'd have gone stark raving mad at number 4 or 5, let alone number 18 or 19!! More power to them - if they can handle it, and afford it, have at it. So not for me.

People ask me all the time when I'm going to "try" for "your girl." As if you're supposed to have at least one of each sex among your children. As if two weren't enough to sap my brain. I have enough patience (barely) for the two I have. I just think the people who ask this are trying to amuse themselves, at my expense. Oooh, fun, look at Deanna trying to navigate Target with 4 kids screaming and running around! Isn't that a hoot?

So yeah, not happening. Now, if we can just get past the Class Picnic (why did I volunteer to be Room Mom again??) and the insanely elaborate show and tell guessing game project we're supposed to make and bring on Friday - then it's summer. And hopefully before school starts again, I will have figured out how to entertain these guys!

Is it June yet?

Let's just recap my May, shall we?

Mmmkay.....so on May 13, my older son got in trouble at school. He and 3 other boys were drawing on an outside metal door with wood chips. My son, like an idiot, wrote, "I love poop." Gotta love admitting something like that publicly. He was "sentenced" to cleaning it off with scrub brushes with the other 3 goobers. Thankfully, it all came off - I threatened him with having to sell off his own stuff to pay for the door if it needed to be replaced.

Later that same day, I went to pick up my younger son at my mom's house. She met me at the door in tears. TEARS. My mother doesn't cry - WHAT HAPPENED?? Yeah, so apparently, it was Vandalism Day for my family - the little one took a key and carved up her bench in her kitchen. Her custom, handmade, one of a kind, expensive cherry wood kinda bench. OH. My. GAWD.



Small sample of his handiwork...

Thankfully, she has a really good friend who is a master carpenter, and he promises to fix it. Phew!

So an hour later - YES, the same day - my mom, my boys, and I are all in her Yukon and headed to dinner together. She backed into my car.



See that puddle under my car? Those are tears - she made my car cry! My little Equinox isn't even a year old, and already in the shop as I type. UGH. She was so so close to losing it - I made her laugh instead.

Thankfully, that is all for that day.

On May 15, I fell down the stairs, landing on my bad knees and wrenching my bad shoulder. Nice.

On May 16, my mom found out she had a thickening in the wall of her heart, and the ultrasound tech scared the heck out of her (we days later find out it isn't as bad as he lead on, but that there's more testing to see what all is going on, thankfully!)

On May 21, my older son brought THE illness into the house. It was a lovely day of cleaning up after him.

And for the past week, my husband and I have been racing each other to the "comfy" bathroom.
I'd just dearly love for June to be here now.....I keep thinking, what else can happen? And then it does.

So yeah - my silence has reasons.....I know I need to get back to work here if I ever want to discipline my writing. HOPEFULLY.......

Should have been a boat race....

So, Mother's Day. Ahhh, yes - day of waking up late to partially-burnt pancakes made by sweet little boys helped by Daddy, yes?

Mmm, no....sounds nice, but uh.....nope....

Not for us, anyway!!! Last year, my mother and I decided to do the Y-Me Mother's Day Race. So we signed up again this year. Except, I wound up co-captain of our karate school's team. Which, then, meant I had to be in Grant Park at 6 am. Any Chicagoan in the crowd will know what kind of insanity THAT means.

Instead of waking up about, oh, say - 3 am, trying to get the little boys dressed, in the car, while pouring coffee into the BIG boy and getting HIM out of the house, then drive downtown (approximately an hour trip, EVEN that early - it's just nutty around here), find parking, THEN find the team tent??? All while the guys don't even need to be there till 7:30 am anyway?

No thanks, I'll pass.

Instead, we got a room at the Silversmith Hotel. We were about 4 blocks from where the race was being held, so PERFECT!!! We hit Chinatown for AWESOME Chinese food Saturday night, checked in, and hung out a little in our gorgeous suite (which incidentally was a KILLER steal of a deal due to Wabash being closed for construction right now - so all Chicago folks, hit hotels.com and book yourself a suite there, and enjoy yourself!!!). This hotel is in our favorite style - Stickley, aka Mission style. So we adored the wood floors, the beautiful furniture, the little emblems on every room door. Just wonderful, and I hope to go back when not preparing for a race!!!

My plan was to wake up at 5:15 am (yes, the extra 15 minutes helps!), get dressed in my crazy Breast Cancer race wear, walk to the team tent to meet the other co-captain, have a nice toasty cup of coffee, and have fun greeting the rest of our 52 team members!

First hitch - I decided NOT to take my "pillow." I have a neck issue, and have one of those wacky wave-shaped pillows and it truly helps. Well, I figured, one night, right? How bad can it be? Well, try waking up half-hourly....in pain.....and stiff.....lovely. Ok, I could deal - I do carry pain meds with me.

Second hitch - I brought the wrong jog bra. All the ladies out there will know what I mean - I brought the "comfier" yet "less supportive" one. Ooops! Well, ok, again - got pain meds, I can tough it out.

Third hitch - it's really, REALLY cold. And windy. And I didn't bring any kind of warm sweatshirt or fleece, just my water-proof windbreaker (more on this so-called "water-proof-ness" in a bit...). Let's just say I hoofed it fast along Michigan Avenue, which I've decided is the windiest street on Earth. Period.

But, voila, I do manage to find the race setup! Hooray! White tents and blue port-a-johns, the hallmark of a good race! Except the tents I found first weren't the team tents, and NO ONE there knew what in the world I was talking about. Um....you all work for Y-Me, yes??? I swear, if only they would just give these people MAPS.

So I walk on....and on.....and find the volunteer tent. They do, in fact, have a map. Bad news, however. Team tents are even further along. Who thought THIS one up?? I'm a participant, and I'm planning on running and/or walking a 5K.....do they assume I need a warm-up 2 hours prior to start? Do they think I need just a wee bit more training?? Hello, people! When someone is about to participate in a race, the LAST thing they want to do is walk any more than they have to. And then to top that off, the team name started with "Sup" and the tents are alphabetical. Lovely.

I get to our tent eventually (and about 10 minutes early, actually - yay me!), but there's no coffee. Not even people bringing said coffee to the tents, as they claimed they would be doing at precisely 6 am. I sit alone, in the gloomy pre-dawn of Grant Park, wind whipping through the sad little tent, and contemplate the warm bed I've left behind. I also wish for a warmer coat. And then it happens.

The sky opened. This wasn't just rain. This was torrential downpour. One minute, just windy and cold. The next, there are rivers in between the tents. And I think about how my co-captain, who is very punctual, is still not IN the tent. The poor thing came in soaked to the bone.

Now, we'd both been told to be there at 6, as the coffee was coming, and they refused to leave it without someone present. Fine, we'll do it for the coffee.

Except they LIED. The people bringing the coffee didn't show their darned faces till 6:45 am!!! Do they not REALIZE how badly a person NEEDS coffee at this time of the morning?

It was rough going, I'll tell you that much.

I did call my darling hubby and tell him to keep the kids indoors if the rain doesn't let up. Advice which he promptly ignored, sadly. But he got the kids about 10 steps outside the cab they took to the race site, and promptly called me to say, we're headed back. Um, I do believe I told you not to HEAD, let alone need to head back, yes? Oh well - he was the one who had to deal with the whiny little boys, not me. No, I was in bliss at that moment, happily drinking my coffee.

The rain did not let up for one second of the morning. It was fairly miserable outside, and yet I was completely amazed and horrified to see how many people still took their small, SMALL children outside in that weather! I'm not one to say someone shouldn't do something as a parent, but this was borderline. There was even a woman pushing an INFANT in a stroller - without any sort of rain cover. The baby was wailing....and still this woman walked. Sorry, that's just wrong, plain and simple. She'd be upset if her child got sick, yes? Well, do what you can to keep the baby out of harms way, darn it! There were altogether too many people with tiny tots out in that horrid weather, and it made me more than a little mad.

The other thing that was driving us crazy was umbrellas. Now, as a rule, I don't mind an umbrella. But when you are cramming thousands of people into a chute for the start of a race - shouldn't SOME person tell people to CLOSE THEIR UMBRELLAS??? HELLO!!! I got poked in the eye 4 times, and in the back of the head 5. People in large groups are essentially cattle, and need to be told how to behave, in my opinion. They should have made a rule about this. One woman had a rain poncho on that said "No Umbrellas!" I wanted to kiss her. And in all honesty, none of these umbrella toting people were even remotely dry. Their heads were nearly as wet as mine. What is the point? Unless they enjoy skewering the eyeballs of innocent fellow racegoers?? And the wind. Oh, good gravy! People kept getting shocked when their umbrella was turned inside out. Welcome to Chicago, oh bright one. So to make a long story short - if you're running/walking in an event with large numbers of people, and it's raining - leave the umbrella behind. Otherwise, people might take it from you and hit you with it.

My parents were the smartest of anyone there. They wore their horseback riding rain gear. Sure, they looked out of place. But they were warm and snug. There is a picture, but I'll have to steal it from my parents' house tomorrow. I promise, it will be worth the wait. There's also a picture of bedraggled us - ever so amusing, as well.

We made it MOST of the 3 miles - but when we got to the point where my hotel was closer than the porta-potties, I decided my knee (and my dad's) needed a shorter walk back.

All in all, quite the adventure. It was funny as all heck, though, and I got to go to Dim Sum after I took a hot shower. Then headed home and basically vegged out and slept all day, recuperating from the turmoil (and the feasting).

The best part of the day was seeing the buildings in Chicago either lit up pink the night before, or the ones who made designs in their windows - CNA had a big ribbon on all 4 sides, the diamond-shaped one (from Adventures in Babysitting, if you remember that one) had "Y-Me Race" and another had "Y-Me" spelled out. I was touched, and loved it!!! Nice to see the recognition!

That, and the fact that our team alone raised over $8,000 for the cause!!!